The Washington POST holds a yearly contest in which
Readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
Various words. Some of the winning entries for 2001

Coffee (n.): a person who is coughed upon
Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight You have gained
Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a Flat stomach
Esplanade (v.): to attempt a conversation while drunk
Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which one absently Opens the door while wearing a nightie
Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp
Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline
Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation

With Yiddish expressions