Husband (angrily): “What! No supper ready? This is the limit! i’m going to the restaurant.”
Wife: “Wait just five minutes.”
Husband: “Will it be ready then?”
Wife: “No, but I’ll be ready to go with you.”

Policeman: You cant park your car here.
Driver: Why not?
Policeman: Read that sign.
Driver: I did. it says, “Fine for parking”, so I parked.

Mother: ‘Why are you scratching yourself?’
Three year old Anna: ‘Bec only I know where I itch.’

Raj: “Dad, that man wasn’t painless dentist like he advertised.”
Dad: “Why? Did he hurt you?”
Raj: “No, but he yelled when I bit his thumb.”

Scientist: Tell me how fast light travels.
Assistant: The same way slow light travels.

“Does your watch tell the time?”
“No, you have to look at it.”

Fred: “My wife converted me to religion”
Bill: “Your wife converted you to a religion? How did she do that?”
Fred: “Bec I din’t believe in Hell until I maried her”