I was at my new job today driving for Acme Delivery Service and was
sent to get some parts for two trucks. They told me they needed a
heater hose for two F250 trucks which required a special flared head.
I asked them if I should go to Auto Zone for them, but they said only
NAPA had the correct hoses. So I asked: “You mean you want two NAPA
headed hose?” Somehow, I still have my job, but I hear MSNBC won’t be
using our services any longer.

There was a young priest who was having trouble both writing and
delivering his sermons. So he asked his Bishop for help. The wise old
Bishop said, “Well you might start with something to attract and hold
their attention, such as, ‘Last night I was in the warm embrace of a
good woman,’ that will get their attention then you go on to talk
about how warm and accepting she was and at the end reveal she was
your mother; that is great for sermons about family love.” The young
priest decided to take the advice. The following Sunday he got into
the pulpit and said, “Last night I was in the arms a hot woman,” he
paused. The congregation was totally transfixed; no lack of attention
now. But he had forgotten what come next, so he stumbled on about how
great she was and how good she made him feel. Then he thought of a way
to get out of his problem. He said in conclusion, “Well I may not
remember who she was, but she was recommended by the Bishop!”