What kind of stories does a ship captain tell his children?
My doctor said I was paranoid. Well, he didn’t actually say it, but I
could tell he was thinking it.
I dropped a glass on the floor and it broke. It was called a shooter
glass, but after it broke it was a shot glass. (Robert Ford)
I was talking to my dad yesterday. He’s getting a little older and
complaining about joint pain. I asked him. “Is it your hip?” He looked
at me and then said, “No, I burned my lip smoking pot.”
An apartment building is a place where the landlord and the tenant are
both trying to raise the rent (Joey Adams)
The last thing to melt this spring was the hardy snow man I built in
December. There is was, a solitary hunk of ice in a sea of green,
proving once again the old adage that snow man is an island.